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A
GUY’S
GUIDE
TO
MARRYING WELL
Marrying Well is
BecoMing a lost art
Mos t Men
hope to marry some
day, but there’s no guarantee they
will. Increasingly, young men are—
as one writer put it—“stumbling on
to the altar as if by accident.”
Too many guys make their way
into their twenties and thirties
without the marriage modeling
and insights that were once easy
to ind from dads, coaches,
teachers, mentors and
Christian leaders. When
they do ind advice about
relationships, it’s often
spectacularly bad.
in order to help you marry well.
But not just so that you can experi-
ence all the happiness, health and
wealth that guys who marry well
enjoy, but so that your marriage
can point to God’s glory and His
greater purposes.
his guide is based on a few
timeless concepts—intentionality,
purity, Christian compatibility and
community—that we rarely en-
counter in popular culture but are a
proven path to marrying well.
May God bless the time you
spend with this booklet and help
you apply His design in your life.
he simple purpose
of this booklet is
to present a
path that is
as Biblical
as possible
Steve Watters
Director of Boundless Webzine,
Focus on the Family
he content of this booklet is excerpted from articles on Boundless Webzine. To read
the full version of those articles and to ind more material related to marrying well,
please visit
www.boundless.org/guys
section one
intentionality
A Guy’s Guide To Marrying Well
Intentionality
Marriage: More
than Just a lifestyle
option
get
Married
young
Man
thing. he favor from the Lord
part shows that, yes, God is the
One who ultimately gives the wife,
but it is still our job as men to be
proactive in the inding process.
here’s nothing unspiritual about
wanting marriage. Marriage is an
important, normal, sanctifying,
biblical aspect of adulthood. It
provides protection from sexual
sin, companionship, and the
privilege to procreate and give back
the gift of life.
Just as it’s not necessarily sinful
to be discontent and take action if
you’re unemployed or hungry, God
has wired most of us with a longing
for
I
’ve known many single guys who
think, “I’m a Christian. I love God.
I currently don’t have a wife. If God
wants me to marry someone, He’ll
make that explicitly clear. For me
to get proactive in the process is to
imply that I don’t trust God to make
it happen. And seeking a wife seems
less spiritual than taking on another
ministry responsibility. After all, I’m
single. I really should commit all my
time to God, and not be distracted
with thinking about girls.”
he problem with this line of
thinking is that not every man who
has the
status
of singleness is
gifted
for singleness. God requires all
singles to be celibate until marriage
(to abstain from sexual expression
in thought and deed), but because
most singles aren’t gifted for
lifelong celibacy, most should seek
to marry.
he Scriptures say, “He who
inds a wife inds a good thing and
obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov.
18:22). So the man is said to “ind”
a wife, and that a wife is a good
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the
sexual
and
emotional
A
ccording to the Bible, marriage
a mere human invention — an
option for those who choose such
a high level of commitment — for
it is an arena in which God’s glory
is displayed in the right ordering of
the man and the woman, and their
intimacy of marriage.
Yes, our ultimate and primary
satisfaction must be in God, and
His purposes can shine forth in our
lives regardless of our marital state.
is not primarily about our self-
esteem and personal fulillment,
nor is it just one lifestyle option
among others. he Bible is clear
in presenting a picture of marriage
that is rooted in the glory of God
made evident in creation itself. he
man and the woman are made for
each other and the institution of
marriage is given to humanity as
both opportunity and obligation.
From Genesis to Revelation,
the Bible assumes that marriage
is normative for human beings.
he responsibilities, duties, and
joys of marriage are presented as
matters of spiritual signiicance.
From a Christian perspective,
marriage must never be seen as
froM genesis to
revelation, the
BiBle assuMes
that Marriage is
norMative for
huMan Beings.
glad reception of all that marriage
means, gives, and requires.
Albert Mohler, Jr.
Nevertheless, if you’re not gifted
for singleness, go ahead and seek
a wife. You’ll be more valuable for
the
Kingdom
continued on page 8
WWW.BOUNDLESS.ORG/GUYS
A GUY’S GUIDE TO MARRYING WELL
Intentionality
of God as a sanctiied husband and
father than as a single repeatedly
getting tripped up with the sexual
or emotional struggles common to
singleness.
Marriage won’t solve all your
problems. But your life will
generally relect a deeper maturity
and winsomeness that will open
doors for relationships and
ministry. Know that God’s grace
will be with you as you step out
in faith.
sacred institution, less free to seize
some opportunities for ministry
that would be open to one who is
unmarried.
Paul celebrates the gift of
celibacy for Christian service, but
he says nothing about those who
simply would choose singleness
as a lifestyle option. His concern
was to see the Gospel preached
throughout the world, even as the
moral reputation of the Corinthian
congregation was restored on
matters of marriage and sexuality.
Furthermore, Paul speaks very
speciically about the sexual aspect
of marriage and instructs, “it is
better to marry than to burn with
passion” (1 Cor. 7:9, NASB). I
appreciate Paul’s apostolic candor.
He did not condemn sexual desire
and sexual passion, but he directed
the Corinthians — and us — to
marriage as the proper arena for
such passion to be expressed.
With all this in view, it would seem
that the Bible ofers two speciic
teachings about marriage that should
frame our understanding and our
engagement in the current debate.
First, marriage is presented as
a sacred institution, a covenant
made between the man and the
woman before their Creator, and
an arena in which the glory of God
is demonstrated to the watching
world through the goodness of the
marital relationship, the one-lesh
character of the marital bond, the
holiness of marital sex, and the
completeness that comes with the
gift of children.
Second, the Bible presents
celibacy as a gift — apparently a
rare gift — that is granted to some
believers in order that they would
be liberated for special service in
Christ’s name. Paul’s discussion
of celibacy indicates that this
gift is marked by the absence
of lust and sexual desire that
would compromise or complicate
ministry as an unmarried person.
Accordingly, those who have been
given the gift of celibacy ind in
Christ the satisfactions others are
given through marriage.
Paul privileges this gift of
celibacy, stating that he would
have many of the Corinthians
demonstrate this gift and “remain
even as I” (1 Cor. 7:8). Yet, most
pattern, and is acknowledged by
Paul in numerous passages dealing
with husbands and wives, parents
and children, and qualiications
for church leaders. Celibacy is a
wonderful gift — a gift the whole
church should celebrate — but it is
a rare gift.
he extension of a “boy culture”
into the 20s and 30s, along with a
sense of uncertainty about the true
nature of male leadership, has led
many young men to focus on career,
friends, sports, and any number
of other satisfactions when they
should be preparing themselves for
marriage and taking responsibility
to grow up, be the man, and show
God’s glory as husband and father.
I am not calling for high school
students to marry, and I am
certainly not suggesting that
believers of any age should marry
thoughtlessly,
Alex Chediak
are you
called to
celiBacy?
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T
here is one signiicant
carelessly,
and
qualiication about marriage
found in the Scriptures. In 1
Corinthians chapter seven, the
Apostle Paul writes speciically
about the gift of celibacy, ofering
a clear teaching for those who are
given this special gift in order to
be liberated for strategic Gospel
service. Paul’s point is clear. he
obligations that are part and
parcel of marriage are a matter
of deep spiritual responsibility.
A Christian who is married is,
under
the BiBle presents celiBacy as a gift —
apparently a rare gift — that is granted to
soMe Believers in order that they Would Be
liBerated for special service in christ’s naMe.
Christians in every age have been
married — not celibate. Marriage
has represented the norm for adult
Christians in every generation
since the time of Paul’s writing. his
is consistent with the purposes of
marriage as laid out in the biblical
without sound spiritual judgment.
But I am most emphatically arguing
that this delay of marriage now
presents the church with a critical
test: We will either recover a full
and comprehensive biblical vision
of marriage
the
obligations
of
that
continued on page 10
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A GUY’S GUIDE TO MARRYING WELL
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