Northern Exposure 314 Burning down the house.txt

[55][70]Nice cow.
[70][94]- Yeah? Like it?|- Yeah, it's great.
[95][116]What makes you say that?
[117][142]I don't know.|To tell you the truth,|they all look the same to me.
[143][166]-Is that the one|you're going to fling?|- Well, I thought so.
[167][200] You know, from a distance|she's... very engaging.
[201][224]But... you get to know her,|she's got a...
[224][256]- A what?|- Uh, a certain wrongness about her.
[257][277]A wrongness?|You mean, like,
[278][301]Yeah. Um,
[301][327]Not rightness.
[328][362]You realize, of course,|that by throwing that cow|through the air by catapult,
[362][397]- the animal is going to break|every bone in its body.|- Mm-hmm.
[398][428]And the reason for this is...?
[429][447]Create a pure moment.
[457][490]Well, you know, look,|I understand the cathartic value|of performance art.
[491][510]I was goin' to SoHo|before it was SoHo.
[511][544]I mean, I saw artists before they were|refused grants by the N.E.A.
[545][574]I was into Marilyn Jacovsky's|inner landscapes before|the Vorpal signed her,
[575][593]before Donald Trump|started buyin' up her work.
[594][618]But this?|A cow death?
[619][647]We're gonna have a big old|feast afterwards, you know.
[647][671]- A little moo?|- Yeah, pass.
[672][690]Very fresh.
[691][707]Double pass.
[708][726]Huh.
[1183][1202]Latest report from the art front,
[1203][1233]picked up a couple of Peterbilt truck springs|this morning from the dump.
[1234][1268]Real beauties too.|Gonna take about|a ton of pressure apiece.
[1269][1305]Still need a hand winch, a butterfly bit|and use of a drill press.
[1306][1341]Let me thank the folks over there|at the, uh, Panisette Dairy Farm...
[1341][1384]for the use of the Guernseys,|even if they are played out, milk-wise.
[1385][1410]Still haven't found one|that rings my bell.
[1411][1436]Anybody out there got a cow|they want to fling?|Trot her on over.
[1437][1470]Chris in the Morning, K-Bear,|Cicely, Alaska.
[1471][1507]Oh, no. Don't tell me you're|out of orange marmalade.
[1508][1524]Oh, sorry, dear.
[1525][1561]- Oh, God!|- There's some grapejelly.
[1562][1581]Oh, no way.|Absolutely not.
[1582][1610]Oh. I'm getting some boysenberry.|A case in tomorrow.
[1611][1640]You don't know my mother.|Hot lemon water every morning...
[1641][1666]with half a dry English muffin|with "marmy".
[1667][1687]Hot lemon water?
[1687][1720]Mm-hmm. For the complexion.|You think she'll catch on|this is plastic?
[1720][1740]I take it your mother's|a creature of habit.
[1741][1760]Mm. Jane O'Connell,
[1761][1789]calligrapher of thank-you notes,|organizer of spice racks...
[1790][1814]daily swimmer of 66 laps,|come rain or come shine.
[1815][1862]Well, it was nice of her|to come all this way then.|It's quite a departure, right?
[1863][1904]Try obligation.|My mother's pathologically polite.
[1904][1919]Obligation for what?
[1920][1947]Well, probably because|she and my dad went to the islands...
[1948][1986]and deprived their little pumpkin|of another tortuous Christmas|in Grosse Pointe.
[1986][2009]- No doubt that's behind it.|- Oh, I see.
[2009][2040]Don't get me wrong.|I mean, my mother's|a perfectly nice person.
[2041][2070]Perfectly nice.|You know, perfectly perfect.
[2071][2102]- It'll be great to see her.
[2111][2132]Well, maybe not great,|but... nice.
[2133][2154]Perfectly nice.
[2195][2214]Chris?
[2215][2233]Hey, Shelly, come on in.
[2234][2258]- What've you got there?|- It's a harness.
[2259][2281]Holling says he slung|a bull up in it once.
[2281][2312]- It should hold a heifer.|- Yeah, it's got good weight.|Thanks.
[2313][2344]- Sorry you didn't find the right cow yet.|- Oh, she'll show up.
[2369][2410]Wow!|You can draw too.
[2411][2434]I didn't even know|what you were doing was art.
[2434][2474]Thought it had to be in a frame|or like Jesus and Mary and the saints|in church.
[2475][2504]Well, you know, Shel, the human soul|chooses to express itself...
[2505][2536]in a profound profusion of ways,|not just the plastic arts.
[2537][2560]- Plastic carts?|- Arts. Plastic arts.
[2561][2588]Like sculpture, painting, charcoal.
[2589][2614]You know, then there's music|and poetry and dance.
[2615][2657]Lots of people,|Susan Sontag notwithstanding,|uh, include photography.
[2658][2689]- Slam dancing?|- Well, insofar as it reflects the, uh,
[2690][2718]slam dancer's inner conflict|with society through the beat,
[2719][2738]Yeah. Yeah, sure.|Why not?
[2770][2817]You see, Shelly, what I'm dealing with|is the aesthetics of the transitory.
[2818][2843]I'm creating tomorrow's memories.
[2844][2895]And as memories,|my images are as immortal|as art, which is concrete.
[2895][2916]Far out!
[2916][2951]And we're gonna have|this transitory cow fling thing|right here in Cicely.
[2951][2978]Oh, it shall be done.
[2979][2997]Wow, cool!
[3037][3064]Hey, Marilyn,|point of information.|You heard about Chris's project?
[3065][3114]- He's going to fling a cow.|- That's right. He's gonna|throw a cow through the air.
[3115][3137]What do you think about that?
[3138][3183]Chris is gonna propel a poor,|defenseless cow into the air,|and you just shrug?
[3184][3202]We're gonna eat it after.
[3203][3235]Well, you know, Marilyn, after being|hurtled hundreds of feet through the air,
[3235][3271]this poor creature might experience|a great deal of physical pain upon impact.
[3272][3305]- You could give it something.|- Something?
[3305][3329]- Valium.
[3330][3351]Great.
[3376][3395]Excuse me.|Are you Dr. Fleischman?
[3395][3436]- Yeah. Can I help you?|- Um, I couldn't get in your cabin.
[3437][3465]My cabin?|He's the chimney sweep.
[3465][3484]The chimney sweep?|No kidding.
[3484][3519]Why? You don't think|I'm a chimney sweep? Why don't|you think I'm a chimney sweep?
[3520][3568]No, I just, I've never met|a chimney sweep. Of course,|I've never had a chimney, so,
[3569][3590]Because I am a chimney sweep.|I'm a very good chimney sweep.
[3591][3613]- The best.|- Fine. No problem.
[3614][3641]You don't clean out your chimney,|you get asphyxiated.
[3642][3666]You know, a lot of stuff|gets up in there.
[3666][3690]Uh, creosote, uh, dead animals.
[3691][3711]Fine.
[3711][3727]Well, uh,
[3727][3748]- What?|- Need the key.
[3749][3786]Oh. Right. I'm sorry.
[3798][3817]Hey, do I know you?
[3818][3849]No.|Um,
[3850][3870]I'll leave it under the mat.
[3893][3920]- What's his name?|- Bob.
[3920][3940]Bob? Bob what?
[3941][3967]No, just Bob.
[4001][4040]- I am so, so sorry|the plane was an hour late.|- I know. I didn't mind waiting.
[4040][4062]- I tried to reach you.|- I know. I know.
[4063][4092]But there was a line at the phone.|And then you weren't home.
[4093][4112]The fog came in,|and the plane was late,
[4113][4137]and it's not your fault,|and I didn't mind waiting.
[4138][4162]Really, I didn't mind waiting.|I love waiting.
[4163][4184]All right.|Okay.
[4201][4235]We had the loveliest captain.|He pointed out everything.
[4235][4257]The Space Needle.|Mt. Saint Helen's.
[4258][4294]When you think of all that awful soot,|and now there are trees growing.
[4294][4334]- I'd say it's repairing nicely|after all it's been through.|- Mm.
[4343][4375]- All right, Mother,|it's shorter than last year.|- Oh, it's really very flattering.
[4376][4407]- No, you think it looks mannish.|- On Cissy Reynolds's daughter, yes.
[4408][4440]- I'm the one who has to|wear it, Mother, not you.|- I said I liked it.
[4441][4463]All right.
[4464][4482]I'm sorry.
[4492][4511]Are you hungry?|We can get something to eat.
[4558][4582]Dear, that man|has his hand in your truck.
[4583][4603]Oh. Hey, Chris,|how you doin'?
[4604][4644]Last night, in a dream,|trigger pin.
[4644][4677]Well, Chris, uh, this is my mother.|Uh, Mother, Chris Stevens.
[4677][4714]- Nice to meet you.|- This chain, it's good.|I like it. Can I have it?
[4715][4740]- Sure, take it.|- Thanks.
[4758][4782]- Nice to meet ya!|- He's building a catapult.
[4782][4801]Oh. How interesting.
[4802][4841]- He's gonna fling a cow.|- Oh.
[4866][4900]Now, Mother, you, uh,|you called on the phone,|you wrote,
[4901][4933]you must've, uh, apologized|a thousand times for Christmas.
[4933][4952]- What is this?|- What?
[4952][4979]- This thing on the glass.|- It's not dirt.
[4979][5004]- No?|- No. It's just... old.
[5005][5019]Oh.
[5020][5061]One tuna melt.|One cheese sandwich,|light mayo, for Mother.
[5062][5092]Oh, doesn't this look lovely.
[5092][5131]Oh, Shelly, could you|take Mother's old glass|and bring another old glass?
[5132][5149]Sure.
[5150][5168]Thanks.
[5249][5276]- Camp Indian Head,|summer '78.
[5293][5314]I'm sorry.|You just look so familiar.
[5391][5419]- You don't have a history|of thyroid, do you?|- What?
[5420][5443]Thyroid.|Or sinus problems?
[5443][5476]I did an E.N.T. rotation|at Mt. Sinai. I thought|maybe you came in.
[5476][5497]No.
[5497][5516]You ever accompany a friend?
[5516][5549]Look, I've never been to New York.
[5550][5570]Excuse me.
[5619][5651]- There you are.|- I know I know him.
[5651][5680]He does a heck of a job|on our flue.
[5702][5740]So, anyway,|I'm not saying it didn't come|as a surprise, you know?
[5741][5785]I mean, you spend every Christmas|of your life with your family,|28 Christmases,
[5785][5814]you just kind of expect|that you'll spend the next one|with your family.
[5815][5849]And when you get this letter|saying that they have other plans,
[5849][5875]well, I was hurt.
[5875][5911]Well, no. Not hurt,|just thrown, you know?
[5912][5956]So, you know, Mom, if you'd like|to clear the air, we could discuss it,
[5957][5997]but, uh, you didn't really|have to fly 4,000 miles|just to apologize.
[5998][6030]Why would you think|I'd come all this way|to talk about Christmas?
[6031][6059]You? Oh, come on, Mom.
...